Vibrating Cockroach of Awfulness

VCAs can be found in any terrain and under almost any circumstances. And regrettably, they can fly. Their vibrations initially are harmless, but if allowed to continue for over 6 minutes (i.e. 360 seconds), everything just starts to feel awful. Scientists are so far not able to explain it. Examples of the awfulness: [1] If you are baking a cake and a VCA is undetected in the area, the cake will taste awful. [2] If you go to the hairdresser and a VCA is in the vicinity, your hair will look awful. [3] If you’re singing in a concert and VCA is somewhere in the room, you will sound awful.

VCAs can be captured but cannot be tamed. In the cases where they were captured, things became so awful that they were always quickly released. It seems that the only way to capture one effectively is to somehow stop it from vibrating. But nobody knows how to do this.

VCAs are known to be extremely resilient. They have been found in glaciers, deep snow, deserts, on tiny islands, underwater, and even in the “death zone” on mountains, i.e. over 8,000 metres where there is not enough oxygen for humans to survive for extended periods.

The favourite nesting place for a VCA is under a sofa. If you suddenly start feeling awful, check under the sofa. You never know.

VCAs are not scared of much. Except toast. For some reason they are terrified of it.

Swedhump Elementary was once infested with VCAs, so Mrs. Rosebank called in the toaster trucks. These are large armoured vehiculated toasters that can fire of over 2000 slices per minute. It took them just a single morning to clear the place.

It is believed that most of the VCAs just flew over to Stumpnose Elementary, where they were welcomed with open arms. For some reason the school’s principal, Professor Inspector Josiah Stumpnose, loves VCAs.

VCAs grow from the size of a regular cockroach, all the way up to the size of a sheep. It really depends on diet and environment. Urban VCAs tend to grow much bigger than their rural counterparts.