Total Mayhem Almanac
Every character, gadget, creature and fighting move in the world of Dash Candoo.
Meet the world
WobblerThis is a SWD (Standardized Wobbling Device) that wobbles the object placed upon it.
Snegg-RollerThis is a device that shoots a beam that makes things roll.
OsCoLoMaToDespite looking complicated, this is a very simple airborne machinery transporter.
MoustacherangA moustacherang is a boomerang made out of actual moustache hair.
Penguin-ArmorAn armour-plated Morph-suit designed by Mgadigadi Technologies.
walkie-shoutieA walkie-shoutie is like a walkie-talkie, but better.
Move 888 (Flailing Octopus)Move 888 (Flailing Octopus) is a famous and highly effective attack and distraction move.
Mole ScallywagsEnemy fighters. The ones that can dig through anything. These are fairly uncommon and dangerous scallywags.
Echo MagnetA small, VERY powerful magnet.
Snig SlimeThis is an extremely delicious and healthy drink, especially good for breakfast as it provides energy throughout the day.
MegafoamA megafoam is like a megaphone, but better.
Mr. RobinsbottomRobin Robinsbottom teaches Magnets in the Physics Department at Swedhump Elementary, where Dash Candoo is among his students.
SmelloscopeA smelloscope is a powerful telescope with additional olfactory (smell) capacity.
RinocularsExtremely advanced binoculars with inbuilt Rhino Horn Anti Vibrate Ocular Technology (AVOT), characterized by two horn-shaped protrusions
Mega-YeastMega-Yeast is a yeast.
BogratA bograt is a disgusting kind of rat that lives and breeds in only the vilest, smelliest bogs.
Chameleon BlanketFantastic device that when deployed, instantaneously changes color to mimic its immediate surroundings, granting the user immediate and
FflumpetA fflumpet is like a trumpet, but worse.
Gazost Multi-toolThis is an extremely fancy and sophisticated pocket or belt-based multiple tool multi-tool tool.
Hemplodd JamThis delicious jam (loved by humans and walruses alike) was invented by Dr.
HDRDThis is a fabulous device invented by Mr.
Move 6,413Move 6,413, the Star Vortex, is a terrifying and fast action attack move used by Mole Scallywags.
Dash CandooHates it when his breakfast (the most important meal of the day) gets disturbed.Explore
This is the online home of the Total Mayhem Almanac.
Our MASSIVE, fantastic, INDISPENSABLE, hilarious 350-page long, REAL version is now available on Amazon here:
The Almanac, A to Z
#
A
- Aardmuisfontein
- Aardvark 66
- Abandoned Fort
- adults reading this book
- Advanced Pause Strategy
- aerial aqua network
- Airborne Bus Thing
- Allister Snaeffelsness
- Almanac
- Altercation of the Nyibb-Nyibb Valley
- Amazing Ideas Box
- Andri Grimminik
- Angel Island
- Annoying class
- Annoyingness Measurement Scale
- Annoyingometer
- Annual Cycle Race
- Ant Farm 27b
- Ant Farm 41a
- Antercoaster
- Anti-Invisibility-Goggles
- Anti-Smell Shield
- APPP
- Aqua-Suit
- Aqualine (Ms.)
- Aqualine Corporation
- Aqualinia Waterpark
- Aquarium Building
- Armadillo Cake
- Art class
- Aunt Eeyolga
- Autograph collection
- Awkward Building
B
- Backpack-ladder
- Baking Studio
- Ball-extinguisher
- Banana Soup Royale
- Barracuda 94
- Bear Dryer
- Bed-Jumping
- Being Late class
- Bent Potato Building
- Bernice Wiggle
- Best Joke Book in the Entire History of Joke Books
- Bicycle-Building class
- Blue Spot Antidote
- Blue Spot Compound
- Blue-Bus
- Blue-Eyed Monsters
- Bograt
- Boreholicopter
- Bridal couple
- Brotherwick and Sisters
- BTM
- Bubble-Blowing Class
- Bubble-Thorpe Pomdiddian
- Building Building Building
- Building F
- Butterfly-cam-drone
C
- Camp Footmøld
- Camp Goodacre
- Camp Goodacre cabin allocation
- Camp Goodacre camp map
- Camp Goodacre raft race
- Carrot 27b
- Carrot Cheese
- Carrot Sandwich
- Carrot-Cheese-Cheese-Carrot Cake
- CCCC
- Ceiling-Throw
- Chameleon Blanket
- Cheese Carrot
- Cheese-Scallywags
- Chef McGurk
- Chef McHound
- Choc-Hotlitt
- Choc-Hotlitt recipe
- Chocolate Smoose
- chocolate-coated carrot
- Chopto-hopto-copter
- CIRAWIS
- Clean-All Beam
- Cleopatra Palace
- Code Beige
- Code Maroon
- Code Mauve
- Collum Ollum
- Combat Socks
- Competition Tent
- Compulsory Adventure Period
- Concrete-Tape
- Condensed Expandable Pocket Mirror
- Confused Class
- Converter-Glasses
- Cool Cucumber
- County Inter-School Face-Pulling Championship
- Cranio-cam
- Cucumber
- Cuisine-400x
- Cut-throat 64
- Cynthia Blappy
D
- Dance class
- Darwin Cycles
- Dash Candoo
- Dashville
- Dashville Botanical Gardens
- Deep-Sulk Mode
- Defrost-Ping
- Deggs
- Delayed-Blooming Sardine Slime
- Derek the Eel
- Descent Pole
- Desert-Quails
- Desert-Scallywags
- Devil-Cat
- Dog
- Dr. Morris Bubble-Thorpe
- Dr. Quilonius Khumber
- Dr. Stella Briscoe
- Dr. Williams
- Drone
- Drone Seek Code 1105
- Dublifier
E
- Echo Magnet
- Edna Ellenbogen
- Edward Smee-Spoon
- Eeyolga Snausage Factory
- Egyptian Blue
- Elbow-Cornering
- Elijah Froffington
- Ellen Ellenbogen
- Ellen Ellenbogen's family
- Ellenbogen Snausages
- Ellenbogen Superlong
- Ellington 39 Super-Magnifier
- Elliot Ridge-Snapper
- ELT34
- Em-fleffle
- EMP-767
- Errika Snizzle
- escape chutes
- escape plan
- Escape Tunnel
- Extreme Security Locker
- Eye-Identifying-Insect-Spy-Cam
F
- Face-Pulling class
- Feather-Scallywags
- Fflumpet
- FiCTaP Mode
- Fishbowl-on-Head Class
- Flamingo Shuffle
- Flampoline
- Flaxon Gronken-Snodt-Hick
- FLEM99
- FLEM99 Secure Storage Cabinet
- Floateroceros
- Flour Scallywags
- Floxy-noxy-roxy-silly-billy-hilly-filly-fication
- Fluff-tailed Hemple-fluffers
- Flus
- FM67
- FMM-66
- Footmøld Raft
- Forest-Scallywags
- Freeze-bomb
- Froff-Force 1
- Full-Vacuum-Snozzle
- Fury Liquid
- Fury Liquid Class
G
- G-hook
- G. & J. Tarrow Siblings Inc.
- Gazost Multi-tool
- Georggina
- Gleam-Pointer
- Glitchengrocken 6,000
- Global KB-15 Inspection Authority
- Globulated-stun-stick
- Glorious Specialized Banana Soup Equipment
- Golden Paddle of Ozweff-Noss-Wozz-No-Ghhh-Ghhh-m'Hokk
- GOOBOR
- Goop-Goop
- Grainometer 40,000
- Gralarm
- Gramsters
- Grand Presidential Ballroom
- Grand Wobblethorpe Regency
- Granny Fiddich
- Greenside Elementary
- Greenside Elementary yearbook
- Greta Gretchen-Hoffer
- Grisbiums
- Grobsnots
- Gronville Honkersmith
- Grovenhopper Industries Inc.
- Grozint Sandwich
- Grozint Sandwich-Making Class
- Grunt-Leech
- Gurkkian Spider's Web
H
- Hair-Gro Potion
- HALDOS Hula
- Hammaphore System
- Hammaphore Tree
- Hamster-Wheel Building Class
- Hamsterometer88
- Hansen & Johnson
- Harold
- Harold Ellenbogen
- HDCS
- HDRD
- Heemo-globule globules
- Hemplodd Jam
- Henry the Hog
- Highly Irritating Building
- HMS Snod-Bucket
- Hole-digger
- Hole-Digging Class
- Hommflimff Fleffle-Snipp
- Hompas the Heroic
- Homputer 44573X
- Homputers
- Honkersmith family
- Honkersmithing
- Hot Dog Making
- Hover-Bus
- Hover-Piano
- Huggy-Bunnies
- Hummock
I
- IACS
- Ice Cream Machine
- Ice-Scallywags
- ICM Hangar
- ICSMC
- Immediate Super-Fast Formation
- Insect-Spy-Cam
- Instant Object Expander
- Instant Wrap Compound
- Institute of Leopard-Crawling and other Stealth Ground Manoeuvres
- Inter-School Bread-Baking Championships
- International Face-pulling Association
- International Mayonnaise Squirting Association
- Invisibility Mode
- Invisibility Shield
- Invizizz
- Invizizz Migration
- IPHIWB
- Ironie Giant
- IRS
- ISEDC
J
- James Hogsbottom
- Jamie T'arrow
- Jeanjean-Jeanjean-Jeanjean Johnson
- Jenkins Duckbridge
- Jenna-Veeve Vvvwossington the Nineteenth
- Jenne-Veeve Vervington
- Jessoponius
- Jezebel McNeigh
- JJ-99 Communication Emulsifier
- JJ56
- Jonjon-Jonjon-Jonjon Johnson
- Jonty Wobblett-Smee
- Joseph Josephs-Josephs
- Josephine Josephs-Josephs
- Jump-Splodge Painting
K
- K-Kite
- K-Van
- Karrotsch
- KB-15
- Kelicopter
- King Cockroach
- King Edmond the Gurkk
- Kitchen 27b
- Kite Acrobatics and Building Class
- Kite Festival
- Kite Loft
- Kite Storeroom
- Kite-Meister
- Kligorrian Branch of Entwostle
- Krypto-Fibers
- Krypto-pliers
- Krypto-web
- Kwazzzznik Quadruplets
L
- Labyrinth
- Lake Goodacre
- Leaf Counter
- Leak Snodometer
- Left Thumb Building
- Lenwold Fiddich
- Lescure 89
- Lev-27/b
- Li'l Jimmy Jimmy-Sinn
- Library
- Library class
- Line-Launcher
- Loma-99
- Lumo-Beam
M
- Madagascar-Pie
- Magnets Class
- Magnifying Telesco-tropic Splick-troscope
- Mainly Smiles
- Marauding Willow
- Marble Day classes
- Marble Day parade
- Marble Day prizes
- Marble Day rules
- Marble-Polishing-Machine Building
- Marble-Run Building
- Marine Biology Week
- Marine Snofftology Week
- MAWAWAWA
- Maximillian Fishman Global Institute of Fishbowl-on-Head-ology
- Mayonnaise Squirting
- Mayor Jenna-Veeve Vvvwossington the Ninth
- MB44
- McGurk's Hot Dog Factory
- Mega-Yeast
- Megafoam
- Menagerie
- Metal Dissolving Spray
- Mgadigadi Technologies
- MGWN
- Micro Modulated Shrinkulator
- Micro-Scallywags
- Mind-Reading Mode A
- Mindreading-Scallywags
- Mist Capsule
- Mist-Net Projector
- Misty Cliffs
- Moira Memphis
- Mokatron 888
- Mole Scallywags
- Moremi Forest
- Morph-Move
- Morse Code
- Moustacherang
- Move #1,233 (Oxwagon)
- Move #10,266 (Weird-Face)
- Move #10,266: The Weird Face Move
- Move #11,144 (Fan & Encircle)
- Move #12,348 (Zombie Zeppelin)
- Move #14 (Double-Helix-LL14)
- Move #144 (Arm-Flap-Vortex-Shield)
- Move #16,444 (Pin Jump)
- Move #18,854 (Rolling Starfish)
- Move #2,994
- Move #26,401 (Spring Bounce)
- Move #26,941 (Sandstorm)
- Move #3,332 Total Yelling Fandango
- Move #3,333 (The Quivering Cone of Ghastliness)
- Move #3,453 (Advancing Fence)
- Move #331 (Relentless Sock Counter-Attack)
- Move #334 (Freezer-Door-Slam)
- Move #342 (Instant Ice-Block)
- Move #4,455 (Pyramid)
- Move #4,592 (Scarab)
- Move #4,766 (Subterranean Recapture)
- Move #44 (The Camembert Vortex)
- Move #479 (Pronking Sea-Slug)
- Move #480 (Rampaging Mongoose with Full Banana Deployment)
- Move #5,554 (Ballistic Warthog)
- Move #6,001 (Annoyed Shopkeeper)
- Move #6,694 (Tower)
- Move #6,745 (Rocket Launch)
- Move #664 (Tea-Sip)
- Move #666 (Crazy People Having Allergic Reaction to Coconuts)
- Move #6694 (Tower)
- Move #7,083 (No Idea What This Is)
- Move #7,312 (Beached-Fish-Flop)
- Move #7,734 (Ox-Horn-Pincer)
- Move #8,001 (Oscillating Nostril-Pump)
- Move #838 (Poison Mantis)
- Move #84 (Tarantula)
- Move #874 (Cocoon)
- Move #88 (Oscillating Dung-Beetle)
- Move #887 (Spinning Cartwheel)
- Move #9,425 (Cave Bear Defense)
- Move 1,032 (Heroes' Return)
- Move 1,222
- Move 14,653 (Green-Smoke 2-line Advance)
- Move 148 (Wounded Walrus)
- Move 18,271 (Yellow-Beam Bull-Horn)
- Move 18,444 (Co-ordinated Moustacherang Assault)
- Move 18,564
- Move 21,554 (Pre-Rainbow Attack Pyramid)
- Move 222 (Umbrella Release)
- Move 3,467 (Rampaging Walrus)
- Move 458 (Feather-storm)
- Move 5,888 (Alligator Side-Swipe)
- Move 555 (Inverted Cheese Pyramid)
- Move 6,413
- Move 6675 (Mini Flour Storm)
- Move 6677 (Maxi Flour Storm)
- Move 7,767 (Worm-Wriggle)
- Move 766 (Color-Spin Smoke-Vortex)
- Move 767 (Flying Sausage of Revenge and Harmony)
- Move 768 (Red-Spin Smoke-Vortex-With-Eye-Beams)
- Move 769 (Towering Sausage of Vengeance and Tranquility)
- Move 8001 (Oscillating Nostril-Pump)
- Move 888 (Flailing Octopus)
- Mr Rosebank's workshop
- Mr Sealikk-Hanth
- Mr. Ape-Rickott
- Mr. Billfinch
- Mr. Clanwilliam
- Mr. Darling
- Mr. Ghogghh
- Mr. Goodacre
- Mr. Grodzinsky
- Mr. Gronken-Snodt-Hick
- Mr. H.
- Mr. Hansen
- Mr. Humma-Groff-Dwollop
- Mr. Humma-Groff-Dwollop baguette
- Mr. Ibis
- Mr. K.
- Mr. McYawn
- Mr. Nomsa-Nomsa-Nomsa
- Mr. Petty-Goash-Zharmb
- Mr. Plumtree
- Mr. Proudfoot
- Mr. Robinsbottom
- Mr. Rosebank
- Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk
- Mr. Skwidge-Winkle
- Mr. Sniffy
- Mr. Steadyneck
- Mr. Stinson
- Mr. Weatherspoon
- MRP Data Storage Device
- Mrs. Belch-Hick
- Mrs. Fidwidge
- Mrs. FRRT
- Mrs. Glitchegrocken
- Mrs. Glitchengrocken
- Mrs. Hogmanny-Hog-Mahomm
- Mrs. Ozniak
- Mrs. Rosebank
- Mrs. Scratch Scratch
- Mrs. Tadros
- Mrs. Wilberforce
- Mrs. Wobblethorpe
- Mrs. Zhonst
- MRX-34 Laser
- Ms. Aqualine
- Ms. Epiglottis
- Ms. Glamorgan
- Ms. Glissicle
- Ms. Greenacre
- Ms. Grimstead
- Ms. Inflatorious
- Ms. M'Punn-Dinn-Gurry
- Ms. McMuffin
- Ms. Over-Dew
- Ms. Ozniak
- Ms. Tadros
- Ms. Woodhouse
- Mudbog Marsh
N
- NANINF
- Napkin-Folding Building
- Napkin-Folding Class
- NATO Phonetic Alphabet
- Neevil Eye
- Niblett Beach
- Nidd Naddle
- Nocto-Invisi-Goggles
- Nocturnal Tracking Device
- Noncycles
- Nonsencycle
- Norbert Niblett
- Norbert Schnossel
- Norma Island
- Norma Niblett
- Nose
- Nose building
- Nose-Cones
- Nostril Building
- NSPGTFMEKE
- Numbifyer
- Nyee-ee
O
- Oceanus Pomington
- Octo-Magnifyer
- Oliver Oshkosh
- Orange Grove
- Orange Snorringe-fish
- OsCoLoMaTo
- Oshakati Industrial Corporation
- Oshkosh-Woznohokk Waterslide
- Ossicles
- Osteop Milk
- Osteops
- Oswøld Footmøld the Thirteenth
P
- P'niknik
- P'tonk-45
- Palm-Scallywags
- Pampagonian Archipelago
- Pampagonian Vibrate
- Pandamatenga Industries
- Paper-rock-scissors-carrot-spoon-tissue-elbow
- Paper-rock-scissors-spoon-tissue-elbow
- Pause Class
- Pause Game World Championships
- Pause! Game
- Pauselopedia
- Pelican-camera
- Penguin Release Valve
- Penguin-Armor
- Perforator 800
- Petunia Trundle-Humple
- PGRAIALP
- Physics
- Pickled-Cucumber Building
- Pinkfish
- Pipeometer 57
- Pizzup
- Plan 14p
- Plank Bending Device
- Plumbing class
- PMADD
- Pomdiddian
- Pomington's Pillows
- Pong-Ping
- Ponsonby Royale
- Potted Plant Balancing terminology
- Potted-Plant Balancing
- PRD
- President Jermina Wuttle-Snipe the 37th
- Presidential Ironie
- Principal Zofis
- Prodigiosus Cantus Formicae
- Prof. Plebinorrius McDermott the 3rd
- Professor-Inspector Josiah Stumpnose
- Pump-Room
Q
R
- Race 1 results
- Race 2 results
- Race 3 results
- Raft Workshops
- Rainbow-Maker 154
- Rainbow-Proof Goggles
- Rainbow-Scallywags
- Rajak Industries
- Ratchet-Raptor
- RBC
- RE Ball
- reading rules
- Redcliff
- Redcliff Double-Devil
- Remington-Hobbes Trophy
- Reticulated Basingstoke
- RICRRL
- Rinoculars
- Rob Newman
- Rockies
- Rocky Horror
- Rogina McRoger-Rogerson
- ROYGBIV
- Rule 27b
S
- Sandcastle Competition
- Savuti Technologies Inc.
- Saw-toothed Doublodiles
- Scallywag Academy
- Scallywags
- School Fountain
- School Theatre
- Schwaltz
- Schwaltzorium
- Science Lab
- Secret-Last-Resort Side-Pocket
- Secure Command Center
- SEIEPN
- Self-Invisibilizer
- Self-Morpher 846
- Semaphorius Trundle-Humple
- Seminola Custard
- Seven Sisters
- Seven Sisters Cleaning Service
- Sheila Smotton-Snodworthy's Yacht
- Shereena Aska-Lonka
- SHOUT class
- Siena Industries Corporation
- Sir Oswald McChuckle
- Sir Rufus Redrock
- Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes
- Slo-Mo-Mist-Bomb
- Slow-motion-ifyer
- Slug-Mole-Slug
- Small Building Locking Device
- Small Remote-Activated Train
- Smellephant
- Smellephant Grass
- Smelloscope
- Smelly Socks
- Smokey Giant
- Smushrooms
- Snarling Jetpack-hogs
- snausage
- Snausage Stadium
- Snausage Vacuum Snozzle
- snausage-cycle
- Snegg-Roller
- Snerpent
- Sniders
- Sniffsonian Cafeteria
- Sniffsonian Museum
- Sniffy (Mr.)
- Snig Slime
- Snigg-Worm
- Snintercom
- Snodd-Mints
- Snodules
- Snodwidge-pie
- Snollimpest
- Snolly juice
- Snoothie
- Snorridge
- Snorringe-juice
- Snozzle
- snulk
- Sock-Scallywags
- Soup Tasting/Appreciation Building
- SPIN Radio
- Splatter-Ray
- SPPMS
- Sprocket Scope-Tractometer
- Staircase Moose
- Starting Pens
- Stinger mouse
- Stink-balls
- Stotinki Trophy
- Stumpnose Elementary
- Submarine
- Substitute teacher
- Suction Pads
- SUFS-144
- Swamp juice
- Swedhump Elementary
- Swedhump Museum
- Swedhump racetrack
- Sweds
T
- Teacher-to-Teacher Command Portal
- Tele-Transfer
- The Bird Lady
- The Cave of Thieves
- The Dominic G. McDominic Trophy for Most Glorious Loaf of the Competition
- The Duck Inn
- The Foothills
- The President, Her Most Excellent Harriet Gladiolus the 49th
- The Sniffsonian
- The Trumpeters
- Thelonius Grozint
- Theodonious Uppacrombian
- Thumb-Screen
- Tie-D-Yupper
- Toad Capsule
- Tour de South-Northern Swottolia
- Transformation
- Transformation Class
- Transformer
- Transponder Activation Beam Base
- Transponder Beam
- Transponder Tracking Device
- Transponder-Beam-Alert-Receiver
- Treehouse class
- Trenchifyer 98
- trillipede-44
- Triplo-pad
- Triplo-triplo-triplocopter
- Triplo-triplocopters
- Triplocopter
- Triplocopter Flight Training Academy
- Triplocopter test pilot
- Triplosaults
- Trophy Building
- Tumner-melon
- Tunnel Alpha
- Tunnel Charlie
- Two-headed Fluffingtons
- Twoaster
U
- Umbahorra
- Umfalala Pies
- Under-School Tunnel Network
- University of Inner-Scratchford
- University of Snodd
- UNRLEAM
- Uppacrombian Amber
V
- VAMP Transponder
- Veronica Bravo
- Verso-buggy
- Vertical Tug-of-war
- Vesuvius Casablanca
- Vibrating Cockroach of Awfulness
- VVS-printer
W
- walkie-shoutie
- Walrospital
- Walrus Milk
- Warp-vortex
- Water Fountain
- Waterfall
- Wendy Woznohokk
- William Williams
- Willow
- Witch Nose Island
- Wobble Ball
- Wobbler
- Wolliams Ramsbottom
- Wombat Juice
- Wombattina Triplets
- World Bubble Blowing Championships
- World Face-Pulling Championship
- World Napkin-Folding Championships
- World Potted-Plant Balancing Championships
- World Sandwich-Making Championships
- World Shout Championships
- World Snausage-Making Championships
- World Soup Tasting and Appreciating Championships
- Wrestle-Scallywags
X
Y
Z
For grown-ups
Total Mayhem is a series of illustrated chapter books for readers aged 6-10, written and drawn by Ralph Lazar. This site is the almanac of that world: the characters, gadgets, creatures and fighting moves, with the original artwork from the books.
No ads. No sign-ups. No tracking. Just the world of the books, free to explore.

New here? It all starts with Book 1.
Mazes, jokes and things to print - All the books - total-mayhem.com
Mazes, jokes and things to print - All the books - total-mayhem.com
Places
Vehicles